Lately, it’s been like when your favorite t.v. show goes to shit. They get new characters or a new director and it doesn’t really matter why things just don’t feel the same. You are not sure what happened or where this is going and nothing you feel leads to any conclusions.
The pills are not enough and four cups of coffee does nothing, you begin to think about the person you loved a year ago the one who drew up diagrams of all the ways you were going to spend the rest of your lives, drowning in idealism a hotel room and that one book of matches you can’t throw away.
I was laying there with her and holding her hand and I was looking at it, and I felt like I was seeing it for the first time in my life. Like when you just forget everything and go, this is a hand. This is a hand. Like when you stare at a word too long and forget how to spell it because everything in your mind is so jumbled up. You can't think straight because you're thinking too much. So it was like I was rediscovering every part of the human anatomy, and every single thing. I looked at the stars and I stared at them, and I wondered and wondered and thought and remembered and loved and treasured and wanted to save each memory in my head for tomorrow. I remember I kept hoping I wasn't trashed enough to forget it all the next day, but somewhere I knew I would always remember last night and those moments and I do and I always will.
“When I see you the world stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops, and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you. When you’re gone, the world starts again and I don’t like it as much… I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best thing I’ve ever known or felt, the best thing, and that is why I stare at you.”—A Million Little Pieces by James Frey (via calebrewster)