Can’t study anymore gonna smash face against the table until I pass out
I think what I need right now is to get high and fall asleep because my anxiety has been through the roof lately and my mind can’t shake some of these thoughts and I want to try my best to be better but it’s not easy.
I need to not be so familiar with this solitude I envelop myself in whenever I come home. I need to branch out more but making new friends is hard and I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed most days. I should really pick up my medication.
Everyone that I care for is too far away. I put so much effort into the friendships I have and it’s barely reciprocated so I stopped trying. My own mind is the poison in my life and I stopped seeing a therapist months ago.
Most of the time I wish I’m drunk or high or both. I wish I am feeling that content feeling after waking up and being so consumed by the drowsiness that I go right back to sleep because I can. I’m tired of staying up till 4 am. I’m tired of fast food. I’m tired of being lazy. But I do nothing to change it.
I don’t know what I’m looking for. The cold weather makes everything feel more sad than it is. I want a beach and I want the warm sand and I want to be high on you and never have to wear pants again. I want you to tell me what hurts you most. I want to tell you what makes me ache. I’m tired but that’s nothing new.
— (via awweb)